12 weeks

 6.1 cm of hope growing in my uterus

How many weeks are you? What fruit? 

12 weeks. Large plum.

 
How is PGAL brain treating you?

It's been a pretty quiet week PGAL wise. Surprisingly, I was able to hold it together for the NT scan on Thursday which felt great. It was the first appointment thus far that I hadn't worked myself up to the point of a panic attack. Now that we're heading into the 2nd trimester I feel the anxiety start to amplify again. My issues are related to cervical incompetency and pre-term labor and so I feel like now is the time where I need to be extra vigilant. PGAL worry is never ending I guess  and so I keep reminding myself that we need to take this pregnancy one day at a time.

Current PGAL fears? 

We had an excellent NT scan on Thursday. Baby is measuring in the 95th percentile and the nuchal fold measurement was excellent. Now, my fears have transformed into worries about the cerclage placement. We're at home waiting for the call to head to the hospital to be admitted. On Thursday, Dr. B said I'd have my stitch placed before Monday June 1st. Today is the 30th so I'm on pins and needles waiting for the call. 

PGAL goals this week?

To get a cerclage and to have a complication free stitch placement.

Appointments this week? 

I'm being hospitalized for 3 days to place the stitch.

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11 weeks

I've seen a bunch of bloggers on the interwebz do weekly pregnancy check-ins.

If I remember correctly, the update usually included stuff like rings on or off and food cravings and whatnot. I really want to document everything but I just don't feel comfortable updating about those things because I honestly don't feel like that's all that important.So, I've borrowed and modified a pregnant after loss check-in that I take part in on a message board I frequent.

How many weeks are you? What fruit? 
11 weeks. According to babycenter this little one is the size of a fig this week while the bump says a lime. A little googling tells me that baby is about 2inches long and weighs about 0.3 oz.  

How is PGAL brain treating you?
Both good and bad.

The good - I'm so grateful for my home doppler. I'm ashamed to admit this but I check in on our little one at least once a day. It has become part of my daily routine and there's so much comfort and peace that comes from hearing that beautiful galloping sound.

The bad - S and I continue to prepare for bed rest. At first it was really half-hearted stuff like browsing for loungers online and researching bed rest pillows. Just this morning while laying in bed after taking my progesterone I calculated the number of days left until I start bed rest and I lost my breath when I realized it's only about 8 days. We've got so much to do and it seems like there's so little time left. I'm also incredibly anxious about the experience and find myself terrified that I can't handle it. S has been amazingly supportive though and hearing him remind me that we'll work through this together does help some.  

Current PGAL fears?
A few - in no particular order.

•  I'm terrified my cervix will be too short to place the stitch next week.
• I'm anxious that I wont be able to handle the bed rest without losing my sanity.
• I'm terrified about approaching the 20 week mark and not knowing whether my cervix is stable or not.

PGAL goals this week?

• I'd like to start reducing the frequency of my doppler use. It's become a security blanket but I'd like to get to the point where I can trust that everything is okay without poking around for a heartbeat.

Appointments this week? 

None. NT scan and MFM next week. Cerclage in the few days following.

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10 weeks

We're 10 weeks. 10 weeks, how did that happen?

It feels like the race is on. Cerclage placement is in less than two weeks and I feel like I need to soak up every ounce of my freedom because after that my life will consist of strict bed rest.

I never thought we'd get here. After we lost the girls we met with a new team of doctors and set up this wonderful conservative plan for future pregnancies and then we had 2 more losses and we thought we'd never make it to this point again.

Today I am in awe of this little baby and so grateful for this chance to bring home our rainbow.

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